Idiotoholic.

I'm an idiot
I'm an ass
I'm everyname under the sun

I know you'll ask why
You know I won't answer

Atleast not untill you use
You're methods of persuasion

Then I'll crack
Just like I always do

Then I'll tell you everything
As I always do

Which is just the reason why
I'm an idiot
And an ass!

Betrayed!

Friends,
that’s what we once were.
Once there was a time,
A time when you could look into my eyes,
see clearly the trust that I placed in you.
I was there for you.
I stood by your side.
When no one else believed you,
I did.
When no one listened to you,
I did.
To me you were worth much more,
more than gold,
more than diamonds.
I would have given up all the riches in the world,
just for you.
You were more than just a friend,
Never did I doubt you,
Little did I know what you’d do,
Betrayal.
You betrayed me,
when I least expected it.
In darkness I was left,
alone, abandoned.
Not once did you regret your choice,
not once did you turn back.
Whenever I passed you on the street,
you walked by,
without a single thought.
When my name was mentioned,
You acted as if you never heard of it.
No more did I exist in your world.
Thousands of pages would not be enough
enough to express what I felt,
the way the pain burned inside me.
Anger,
Sadness,
Emptiness,
No longer do I trust,
Not even those around me.
You left me.
No longer do I feel joy when I hear your name.
You tossed me away,
As if I was nothing.
Why did you do this to me?
Why?
Was I not always there for you?
Did you mean it?
Did you have a choice?
What have I ever done to you?
Before,
when I looked into your eyes,
I saw a friend.
Now,
I see nothing.
None of the happiness,
Laughter,
Kindness.
If you had turned back,
just once,
I would have forgiven you.
Yet, you didn’t care.
You would not listen.
You close your eyes to pretend I’m not there.
To try and shut out everything having to do with me.
There are times,
Staring into the clear, blue sky,
I wonder.
Wondering what could have been.
Now,
it’s too late.
It’s over.

Please Don't

So tell me, how is your life now? Do you still think that happiness is impossible to find? Do you still hate yourself? I remember what you used to say:" I have no right to be happy". Everyword you said, every move you made was the result of this inner punishment. Have you stopped...Tell me you have.
Are you alone? In bad company? Lonely? In love? This word used to make you smile. And your heart used to beat painfully, your eyes were like, visiting another universe, and some old love stories were coming back in your memory. You know, the same blond haired, smart and innocent young girl who falls in love with a dark cynical and seductive man and transforms him into a sort of sheep bleating:"I loooove youuuuu and little angels are flying around us, blessing us while we kiss eachother in an eternal blissfullness!" ...
How pathetic...
You used to keep reading those stories because of the beauty of the feelings. Beauty. Another concept you were obssessed by. Do you still search it? Of course! How could you abandon such a quest? Do you remember this poem?

"Where is the Beauty?
In this cold matinée?
In this couple's tender embrace?
In this window opening
On children's giggles?
Beauty is in your eyes
They join together all my universe"

I remember how much you loved to write...Loved or love? Have you changed? Maybe...
I have aglways felt close and far from you.
Before you o far from me and fade away, I wanted to tell you those words. But there were too many words. And you...You wanted to go far far away from me. I was not capabale to retain you. You looked at me one last time. Did you smile? Maybe...I do not remember. I do not want to remember...It was sad. Too sad. The words wanted to go out. I felt them. So many words. I did not want to see you go.
But you were already downstairs, staring at me. And I did not move. I was scared too. Somewhat scared of you, but also scared of the "after-you". I have always lacked confidence. That's why I kept silence and did not stop you.
For you I'll stay an image in the stairs, a blurred memory. The only one in your mind. This one where I am leaning toward you and, implorant, I beg you:
"Please...Don't go".





YESH YESH I M LUNATIC DOG.

more then SMS :)

Sometimes there is so much going in our mind that we forget our quite valuable possesions that life given over the time and they keep keep on telling us in our difficult times to that we are cared for and missed too but mind seeks refuge in loneliness or may be silence substitutes brain and the precious think they are neglected,which they are.Afterwords when mind takes it position again and makes us realize that we have been forgetting and hurting someones we need n those who needed us,then you try to make it upto them but NO! Once hurt so badly,heal in time and they act in a way as u might have lost them and we keep on trying to get to them,to make it sure that u never loose what your heart chose!!

true!!


Gulluism rockadoodledovey do :)

purpose

Why am I alive?
What is my purpose?
Truthfully, I dont know.
Trying to find something.
Something that makes me....
Useful.
I dont know.
I might never know.
But if I help one person,
Just one person,
Then I might feel....
Worth while.





purposeless life
was thinking abt someone and this came!

save me

I love you
NO! I hate you!

I love myself
NO! I HATE IT ALL!

I'm sitting here
Regretting the past

Loving and hating
The future I have

No medication
Can clam this me

And no drive can
Make me what I wish to be

I'm tired of being the devil
I'm tired of being an angel

I want to be normal
I want to be sane

But I long for insanity
And love who I am

Do I? Do I really?
Yes and no, a depressing answer

I'm going to kill myself!
I can't kill myself!

I'm calling your name
And cursing it to

Loving myself
And hating you

Hating myself
And loving you

Forgive who I am
I am diseased and sick

And what I am
There is no cure

I'm tired of trying
To be number one

And yet I want more
Of the spotlight

I'm dying inside
To say this now

And living in hate
As I love being greedy

Someone save me
Someone kill me

Save me from this world
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

I need an end
I need no end

I want forever
I want it never

Save my Mind!
Save my Life!

Kill me!
Don't Kill Me!

I need a savior
Save me.


--


oct 24th,2:23 pm

if i die tonight.

For if I die tonight...
How will we make this all right?
Leaving you here without me
Would you understand that it was not my fault?
Will you just forget about me and suffer the fall....
If I died here tonight...
Would you cry for me and feel like you want want to die?
Would you be reminded of what it is to love....all over again?
Would the memories come crashing through in endless waves of pain
If there was a sea named after me, would it be named...."Sorrow?"
If I died here tonight would you know that my love for you was true
That I fought just to stay alive for you
Would you understand that I meant everything I said when I told you how I felt for you
Would you love me even after I was gone?
The only one that mattered when no one else was around
I'm sure you would just move on and I would become another forgotten one
If I died here tonight
Would you still want me at all?
Would you wish upon the brightest star in hopes that we can be together once more?
Would you ever cry?
If I died here tonight
Would you have held me in your arms and whispered "I LOVE YOU" one last time?
If I died here tonight would you make this a memorable night?
Will I look into your eyes and see that love of ours will never die?
Just remember to keep your head up high.
But on this night......
I come bearing bad news.....
Im sorry, but I have died.

SEX

Some like it wet,
Some like it dry,
Some like it soft,
Some like it hard,
To some it’s just a few hours of fun,
For some it’s the true bonding,
Some like it with a group,
Manage a trios?
Hand Job,
Hard on,
Hug me,
Kiss you,
Fuck her,
Abortion,
Depression,
Condoms and Rubbers,
Doctor’s and mothers,
Lust and Foreplay,
Let it go away.


:D



another lecture effort ! =P

Love is a killer

These scars will never fade,
It is art which I have made.
Memories forever in my skin,
Defeating me from within.
That night so cold,
With a blade to hold.
Slicing swiftly and deep,
Wishing, waiting, for eternal sleep.
So much blood, so much pain,
The next night it'd happen again.
Ironic really, you'd never believe
My way of survival was killing me.
Twenty four weeks and now I see,
That could have been the death of me.
Out with the old, in with the new,
I confided in her & our love grew.
Blossoming. Inseperable beings.
Inspiring. unexperienced feelings.
Every argument, in the night,
I see the scars, see that sight.
Think of our love and smile,
It helps, for a while.
Losing love is the hardest thing,
The thing which drove me to this sting.
It also saved me,
As well as betray me.
A good friend will be there in the end,
Oh the happiness which love can send.
White lines representing pain,
The monster inside she helped me tame.
No longer do I unzip my skin,
To release the power of the beast within.
I'm strong because of defeat,
One day though, it's you I'll beat.
I'll use my anger to win,
Anger from this mess I'm in.
You used to weaken me,
Now you only empower me.
I'm everything you didnt want,
But thats where my smile is from.
You're worthless and frail,
Defeated by the likes of rain and hail.
What makes you weak, just makes me stronger.
You'll die soon and I'll live longer.
Look at me go,
Smiling and you'll never know.
You're dead. I'm free.
You no longer control me.
The more you say, the more I defy you,
These words could never be so true.
I look down once more,
I see that knife on the floor.
The blood tastes so sweet,
The ultimate treat.
Seeing your face as I fall down,
You scream, and turn around.
I lay there, smiling.
You stand, crying.
Suffering over, ended.
Now, happiness commences.

--
Rajeev (29th sep)

Comfortably Numb

this is the recent one (9th sep 07 )

I see you watching me
But it has no affect on me
I'm comfortably numb

In my own world
Without your touch
I'm comfortably numb

With my own thoughts
And feelings
The ice replaces nerves
The smiles stop but it's all ok now

I'm comfortably numb
By myself in the dark night
Awake and staring into the abyss

I'm comfortably numb
A slash of words escape
But my blockade is impenetrable
My eyes reveal the sadness
But it betrays my actions
Because

I'm comfortably numb.

Kiss the rain / kiss in the rain

Standing in the rain
Cold and icy
I let the kisses of the sky soak me
Wash away my pain
The rain cleanses me
Makes me clean again
Each drop a kiss from the sky
A gift to the earth
Birth and renewal
Like a phoenix born of the flames
I am born again of the rain
The wind blows to calm me
Wiping away my tears
Blowing away my anger
Wind and Rain
Until I am happy again.

A tribute to opeth

In the woods of Blackwater Park

Lies a house of Hidden Worlds

Confusing the word that blinds me

Leaving my Reality

Beyond the Hour

Of Unearthly Peace

Seeking the light

That belongs to the soul of the unforgiven

Ghosts of the sleep

Seeking the death that whispered a lullaby

The Morningrise

That wakes the devil

Full of deceit of eternal Damnation

Still life

Is taking over

Seeking the Orchid

That leads to a better world

I seek the grave

From my arms to your hearse

I wake up and see the light of day

I now leave the space that took me away….

Ek kavi ki mrityu

"Kyun main kavi banne ki koshish karta hoon ?
Kyun main hamesha jhagdata hoon,
is kalam se ?
apane vicharo se ?
apne aap se ?
yahi sochkar ki likhu tto kya likhu ?
udasi se bhari kavita aur nahi likh sakta main,
na hi tere jaane ke gam ko lekar,
shabd hai par vicharo ki kami hai,
vicharo ke gahre samunder me dubu bhi tto kaise ?
isame dubne ki nishani aaj bhi aankho me nami hai"


I decided not to write after writing this but poemist me( ya if u call novelist to one who writes novels :P/)..

Choose un-life

Choose un-life.
Choose an empire.
Choose Opeth's damnation.
Choose 6 lieutenants.
Choose a big fucking Soul Reaver.
Choose clan symbols, sanctuaries, and machines that blow smoke into the sky. Choose Immortality, low erythrocyte count, and dental insurance.
Choose leather pants and matching shoulder-drapes.
Choose her and wondering what the fuck are those things on her back when she walks in on that Sunday morning.
Choose throwing him into the abyss then run like hell when he comes back 500 years later, pissed off and with a wraith-blade that has your name on it.
Choose chucking the whole thing at the end of it all, leaving this miserable world to that selfish fucked up brat , while you and she go back to the past and try to save history. Choose a prophecy.
Choose a paradox...
CHOOSE: REFUSE THE SACRIFICE
--
choose life (trainspotting) made me to write this

with or without you

See the stone set in your eyes.

The tombstone had been withered and bitter and probably really tasted like blood, but Grisom did not lean forward to lick from it the salvage relation to week-old supper. It was not raining, but it certainly did seem like the most perfect day for the heaven's to cry, helplessly sob until the entire sad world drowns in its sorrowful pity. But she did not want pity. Grisom just wanted for the woman of her crude life to come back to her, take back the rope and tie a knot around something else besides her should-be-bitten neck. Her eyes were watering, but she dare not tell herself that she was crying. No, that would mean that Grisom had broke the promise--the promise to always stay happy, never hurting, never regretting.
Even though her knees were growing weak, Grisom was not going to stop kneeling before the tattered grave. If she were to stand above the dead body, it would be the most disrespect she could ever deliver. Her cheeks swelled in a rosy texture, over-controlling the freckles that were put there by the sun's very own hands. She hated the sun. She also hated the imagination she had. Already, Grisom was picturing the woman below her to have eyes of cold stone. No longer would the burried young girl beam brightly, in an obvious flaunt of glory, with her greenish-hazel eyes. That literally drilled a hole through Grisom's heart, the blood that dripped beautifully glazing the grave of what she previously assumed was bitter. With high remorse, Grisom sighed by stroking her finger over the etched letters. She was blind, illiterate because she did not understand the languge. Then slowly, her finger drove into the loose soil she sat upon as she drew a heart--a checkered heart, and with an impish grin lightly sprinkled with her tears, she whispered, "I hate seeing you like this."
She was even shocked to not hear a reply. How very sad Grisom was.

See the thorn twist in your side.

Grisom brushed back a piece of gorgeously red, salty hair to twirl it into a knot. She now hated knots so badly, she refused to tie her Converse shoes like that anymore. Instantly, she tugged and strongly yanked at the strand until it literally was pulled from her head. Screaming, the dangling pieces eventually slid from the scalp and drifted to float and land in a pretty design around her artsy heart. Grisom glanced down, pretending that she was not still sitting above her love's grave. This was the last place that she was to rest--how painfully cruel that the reality check just then hit her.
Her finger danced in the ground, twirling effortlessly with the outrageously red-colored fragments of hair. She could not help but to smile, pretending that her index finger was her and the bundle of hair was who she dare not tell. But then she pulled away and rolled her dry palms and fingers together until the hair fell loosely from her grasp. Grisom bit down on her bottom, trembling lip, "I'm sorry, but I can't dance with you." The reason why, she was afraid to say it, but it truly did look like her finger over-powered the dancing partner, controlling her and moving her in moves that the unnamed girl most despised. Not only that, but Grisom narrowed her eyes and looked completely through the soil and the coffin and the worms and the roots.
She could clearly see her love laying, eyes forever closed and hands resting nicely on her abdomen. Her thin fingers were intertwined. No longer was the dead woman's hair warmly colored with brown tints and dirty blonde higlights, but the dirt secluded the flashy streaks and made the wavy, tomboyish style greasy and worn. Grisom so desired to run her small hand through her love's hair once again.
Mother-nature broke the coffin.
The nasty, cruel roots below where poking at the young woman's tan skin, eventually twisting into her torso. Grisom clenched her hands in the soil, "But I was supposed to have the last dance, dear."

I wait for you.

And then she said it. Four simple words.
Grisom collapsed on the ground, her cute nose practically touching the slate of the young girl's name, her hands at her side, her long legs bent, "I wait for you."

Sleight of hand and twist of fate.

She turned over, the dark sky coloring her body a few shades stronger, and wriggled until her figure lay perfeclty fit in the dead ground. Grisom closed her crying eyes in order to distort of the vision that nature would eat alive her love's beautiful corpse--eat from it her suicidal actions and throw it back up in her face. The world broke a record itself--to change a young girl's life so quickly that it put her in a permanent dementia. Little did Grisom know that she was constantly tapping her hands together, then following that weird action to slap herself in the forehead, casually saying, "You'll always be here. In here."
Her forehead started to bruise, like the poisonous apple she fed to her girlfriend that made her toxic and do what she did. The rope was lathered in juice. Grisom's body was too weak to fight against the shock treatment, so the bruise just kept growing in size, swelling massively. She was reaching the deadly dementia point of her romantic tragedy. Only something so crazily abrupt and ungodly could bring Grisom from the twisted accident of her unnamed love's rip from the stupid life she lived.
And then it was dark.
Grisom blinked, and also angrily bit, back tears from tumbling down her cheeks and softening the loose soil beneath her. She moaned in a scary hymn, "Fate has shifted."

On a bed of nails, she makes me wait.

The fact of the matter was: Grisom had been lying in that same exact position since the funeral ended. Even the flowers were sadly drooping over, the millions of flowers surrounding the young girl's grave. She reached into the ground, digging from it a reason to plummet beneath the soil and steal that dead body from the underworld of flames and ugly people. Then she shrieked wildly, retreating and sucking at her fingers. There was blood slowly surfacing from the little wounds on the tips of her fingers. Grisom sighed, "There was no reason to bite at me."
She was in denial. Of everything.
But as she continued to keep her restful position and laid there with her legs pointed straight, arms crossed at her chest to hide the most checkered and most shattered and most empty piece of her soul, Grisom could feel an intense pressure prick at her skin. She could actually experience thousands of sharp points stabbing at her back. Her frown straightened out to a puzzled grin--she did know whether to be impressed at this or to be furiously disturbed. Her brilliantly white teeth were grinding from the pain.
Grisom whispered, "Love, just because I wish to stay here with you as long as I can," she paused, hissing in twinge, and felt tears rip from her eyes unwillingly, "does not mean you have full permission to strap me down on this bed of nails. And force me," the ground below her quivered in fear, "to wait helplessly."
The nails did not go away. Blood was probably dying the back of her precious clothing a deep crimson, so saturated that the excess drops fell into the filthy dirt and slid through the air passages until it reached the door of the young girl's new, and permanent, home. Grisom terribly sighed, realizing that in order for her to lay there as long as she wanted, she would have to feel the pain of her one true love in order to comprehend what she obsessed most. Her heart was now the new Titanic, sailing away, knowing that it would never make it to shore. It would just descend in the coldness of the most icy core of the planet and be held in the arms of Death.

And I wait without you.

Grisom leaned up, holding herself as tight as she could, scared. She was scared, frightened more than she could ever imagine.
It hit her. Just then. Of what she could never mess with. When she glanced over to her clean side, it actually surprised her when she no longer seen that beautiful tomboy sitting beside of her. She would always look gorgeous, with her bronze skin and accessorized hair. Grisom adored her smile, her ambition to always bring out the best of people. Now she could only see a decayed corpse, eyes of rock, body's purple veins of green vines, and heart forever broken.
Her voice softly consoled that bitter fact with, "And I wait without you."

Through the storm, we reach the shore.

It started to rain.
The ballad of fallen angels, she thought of, when she regained her standing position and literally leaped so that her feet would not step all over the woman beneath her. Grisom's red hair was now a dark shade of maroon from the drenching tears from above. She pushed her face up, directly in line with the rain's plummeting highway. Resisting to taste the salty percipitation, she keenly eyed the eye of that storm. To say that it was colored a greenish-blue would in fact make Grisom feel intoxicated. So she opened her mouth and drank the elixir given the hands of God.
Grisom felt drunk from the shock. Her fingers twitched violently. The black and white striped scarf dangling from her neck began to sink in increasing weight, for the rain was making residence in the one place the troubled girl dared not lease. She tugged at it, feeling the constriction around her neck. The fangs of truth bit at her so hard. Belting as loud as she could, she screamed passionately in the most horrid sound, "Drown my crew! Bring down my sail! Goddamnit, please, just stop killing the captain!"
The rain answered.
It started to rain even more heavily than before.
She was shivering at this point for two reasons. One: she was cold. And two: she felt so disgusted and guilty that her love would have to drown in this terrible weather. Grisom took a step away from that chilling grave. The letters seemed eligible now, but she definitely refused to read the name of the one person she wished to never remember as long as she lived. Even if that be just a few more days longer. As she took her second step, Grisom could feel a sense of accomplishment flow through her trembling veins. What was happening to her? She felt safe. She was no longer scared. And smiling, she spoke down into the ground, "This ship of Titanic is no longer weighted by your false threat. It has reached the shore, without you."

You give it all, but I want more.

Grisom's lips were curving into a massive frown as she stood there, utterly broken, and untouched even though rain had been sliding down her bold figure for quite some time. She could see everything--the young girl's body dangling from the mighty, rough rope, her hair in so many countless knots, her eyes swollen and bloodshot, the shadow underneath her propelling body swaying back and forth. It was a beautiful tragedy, yes, but Grisom closed her eyes to shield her sanity from the incredible experience. Even so, she began to softly hear a creeking noise, a sharp shrill that tapped at the back of her mind.
She reached ahead, "Stop swaying. You can do this."
But the body just hung there limp. Grisom's young love had already suffered enough at this point--she did not deserve this. Not at all. After the old chair had already been kicked out from underneath her body, the girl instantenously changed her mind. Her heart took a left turn instead of a right. The rope only convoluted tighther at her thin neck, the bristles digging into her flesh and puncturing her every single breath. She shrieked numerously, and her gags were resentful and regretful and fantastically raw. Grisom shuddered, for the memory would not stop eating her alive.
Then it was all over. The girl could not survive the shallow plunge into Death's arms, so she is lost in the unknown void of a fine purgatory.
Grisom bit hard down onto her bottom lip, as she always did before, and chewed on the excess thin layer of skin until it rolled around on her dry tongue. Her heart was still racing, just at the thought of finding her love in that condition would rip from her the very life she lived and toss it away without a care. Carelessly, yes, and so candidly hardcore. The rain lathered her body in a neat coat and pitter-pattered on the grass. The grave swallowed up that downpour and choked; Grisom heard it. When she turned around, softly, her green eyes narrowed and she screamed in a light mixture of rasp and cool, "I know for a damn fact that you could have survived just a few more seconds longer while you hung there like a ragdoll." Relieving a cold breath, she stuttered in both air and words, "But you wanted to go. And I could not stop you."

And I'm waiting for you.

The rain stopped.
And she crossed her thin arms against her firm breasts and bellowed, "I'm waiting for you." It was spoken so smoothly that Grisom actually had to reconsider the fact whether she was upset about this woman's death or whether she was happy to be free from the binding spell of love. But that's all that she really wanted--love. Now that it was gone, she calculated how long it would take her to recover from this sudden, horrible crash into the stonewall of Jackson's fame.
It would take forever.

And you give yourself away.
And you give yourself away.
And you give--and you give--and you give yourself away.

For once in Grisom's life, as again stated previously in a brilliant ballad, the clouds parted from their attached limbs and allowed the scolding sun to scorch down onto the world and dry away all of those unnecessary tears from the heaven's. A victim of drowning was surely saved that day, but it was not Grisom's day. She liked that fall of rain. It made her feel cold, and that's what she did best. Though, nothing was working out the way she wanted. She was just a girl who wanted to find a home in someone else's arms, not have to buy it and only use it temporarily. And after it was all gone--all of the happiness sucked away and put in a box--she had to scarf up all of her tears to sell for just one second of devine attention.
"What has happened to us, dear?" She asked as she turned back to that grave and took steps closer to it.
What could she possibly think to gain from constantly going back?--Nothing!
The sun burned at her freckled cheeks. Grisom was getting annoyed. How could it be so instantly sunny just when the climax of her sadness burst into place? She grinded her teeth, her fists clenching so tightly and wildly that she literally felt the fury in her veins overflow and ripple into madness. She yelled at the shiny slate before her, the name interrupting her reflection again, "You gave up too easily. You allowed yourself to be given, and once happened, you did not even ask for anything in return." Grisom smiled as her eyes hid angrily under her drenched, knotty hair, "You never wanted anything in return. Too kind."

My hands are tied. My body bruised.

The ruthlessness finally boiled over in Grisom. Without any control over the nerves in her body, like she was numb but her mind still sent out those little inhibitions, her fists buckled and literally punched at that stone. The world was all over, to her. She punched and slapped and socked that sleight as long as she could take it. Screaming, Grisom could feel her knuckles breaking underneath the skin. The bones shattered into pieces and poked through her skin like little crumbs from the sweetest cookie. This cookie was bitter.
"Let me go!"
Grisom cried so terribly, wounds forming on her hand and bleeding massively. The blood spilled over her nails and trickled down to splatter against the indentity of the dead girl beneath her. Screaming and belting at the top of her lungs, the only words that would leave her solid lips were those three pieces to the scary puzzle.
Then she collapsed over and held her bloody, fractured, disturbed hands with a refrain fit for a descending princess. Grisom lay there in the watery bath and closed her eyes, shoulder blades searching through the soil. The coffin was pretty. But the girl inside it no longer was. She was withered, growing old far too soon, and bleeding dry blood. The sky glitched and the checkered heart finally committed mate. Grisom was so beaten, practically plummetting into a pile of crismon betrayal and finding bruises on her body that she never knew existed. It was brutal honesty--how she would not be able to heal.

She's got me with, nothing to win. And nothing left to lose.

"I'm going to have to leave you alone now," Grisom flatly said as she rose from her hole and stood, brushing off the muddy soil and layers upon layers of previously-mowed grass. Her fingers were still red, but fading to a fine pink shade after the water and air-dry contributed to the lift. When she reached down to pick from her pants pocket, she smirked cruelly and said to herself, "She never really did enjoy my company anyways." Since then did the third person-person semi-POV jump into her voice? It did not matter now, for she had reached the climax of everything--the burst of her terrible misery, her checkered heart slowly falling to the ground square by every black and white square, the over-flowing drops of salty tears spilling over her lids and staining her dirty cheeks with trails.
Grisom looked at that bloody grave and could still hear that lovely girl's voice, a voice so fanstastically ringing that she could sing any song that she wanted. That's why the entire world loved her--she was popular--but they did not see the young girl as Grisom did. She seen the young woman as a wondrous, confused female mixed up in the blasphemy of popularity and fame. As the tears continued to suck Grisom dry, her breath racing and heart beating rapidly without any control whatsoever, she took a single finger and pointed to that tombstone--the wind caught up, catching her now-dry scarf and forcing it to glide and dance and bounce on the breeze's wide arms. Glaring, Grisom opened her mouth to yell cruelly at the woman who had absolutely no power to defend herself, "--!"
But she was speechless.
She had nothing more to say than that cliché fact of wanting her back. Grisom then lowered her shoulders and softly let out a quick breath, one full of relief. And happiness. All that occurred during the lovely girl's death--cancelled each other out: it was like nothing ever happened, besides an extra grave magically appearing in the Ravenwood Cemetery, the one belonging to a recently deceased girl. Who committed raw suicide by wrapping herself up like a gift.
Grisom placed her hands into her dampened pockets, rocked onto a single hip, and questioned, "Why did you not leave a mess behind for me to clean up? That's not like you. I wouldn't have minded."
She could feel an increasing beat of rhythm inside of her.

I can't live. With or Without You.

Smiling, the red-haired beauty pricked the snappy frame of her cap from her pants and placed the black hat onto her head, the faded bill cleanly hiding her pair of fiery green eyes. Grisom knelt down quickly to tie her Converse tennis shoes--even at a funeral, she still managed to be herself. That's all she ever wanted, to be honest. But only one person knew that. Gently, raising back onto her legs and tucking the second dangling part of her striped scarf behind her, Grisom pulled her muddy hands from her pockets and flared her pale fingers.
She exclaimed vividly, "I don't have anything. Don't be sad."
But when she turned her back to that resting, crummy grave, a square-like item fell from her body. It toppled and rolled onto the dirty until it lay kindly at the edge of the grave's frame. Grisom could not stop smiling, even if the tears tasted awfully nasty when the corners of her lips separated. She took both of her arms, forearms pointing straight up into the sky with fists, and waved them back and forth is an odd rhythmic manner. Grisom swayed her body, simultaenously walking from that tombstone in the most frightening escape.
Grisom was singing.
The jewel CD case, the one containing a single CD with only one track, began to fill up with muddy water. It was going to drown. But so wasn't she. The dirt was so hungry for something besides flesh that it literally plummeted into the shiny object to permanently damage the contents. It had given up too easily. But so didn't she. It was screaming loudly, wildly, out of control that it could pierce glass to shatter it into thousands of tiny pieces. But so wasn't she. Grisom twirled in the humid after-rain, the song belting from her lips and dancing heavenly about on the pine trees and the rest of the mournful graves. Grisom cried so much--couldn't stop it even with all of the energy flowing through her body. But so didn't she.
She could not stop singing.
Finally, the hymn and tune of the crew entered into Grisom's body. Softly, she tilted her head to the side and commented, "With or without you." Pausing, Grisom stared up into the gray sky--she loathed gray so much. The last bit of that tasteful, classic song left her lips. The chorus was complete, the bridge was finished, and now it was for the closing. Grisom closed her eyes to feel the solid heaven beams scorching down onto her pale skin. It was steaming hot, but she did not care. She was not scared to burn up in the arms of her angel. "I can't live," Grisom sadly whispered, "with or without you."
And under that cap, she was still smiling.

LOVE

Love is a book that never ends.
Love is a road with dead ends.
Love is a fairy tale and a nightmare.
Love is a warm embrace and a harsh stare.
Love is a rose with beauty and thorns.
Love is understanding, love is scorn.

Love is the warm fuzzy feeling in your gut.
Love is a child.
Love is a slut.
Love is time and space itself.
Love is a bad hand thats been dealt.
Love is a fullhouse.
Love is a royal flush.
Love is a scream.
Love is a hush.

Love is a horse beautiful and free.
Love is chains that bind you and me.
Love is powerful.
Love is weak.
Love is strong.
Love is meek.
Love is painful and downright annoying.
Love is the ability to keep on going.

Love is the rock that never fails to get stuck in your shoe.
Love is the kiss that kept you through.
Love is a victory a celebration.
Love is a detrement and a strange creation

Love is a virtue.
Love is peace.
Love is a building thats always up for lease.
Love is the land lord that kicks you out.
Love is the rainstorm that demolishes the drout.
Love is a hug a sigh and a yell.
Love is heaven, and love is HELL!

No-Name-For-It

Welcome reader,
Grab a seat,
Please sit down.
Relax and enjoy
All I say,
Don't tense up,
Just relax,
Be at ease.
You may hear alot of screaming and yelling,
Swearing of the matter,
But please enjoy,
And don't be affraid.

Why am I here?
Why am I confused?
Why do I have to do this?
Why am I even apart of it?
I never wanted to be.

Who said I wanted to be,
Who said I wanted to be fucked up,
Who said I need help,
Please answer me.

You got no right to blame me,
You got no right to say its not your fuckin fault.
You got no right to say anything!!!!
No, you got no fuckin right.

Get out of here,
Get out of my mind,
Get out of my room,
Get out of my life.
Theres the door.

Leave me alone,
Leave me in peace,
Leave me in my room,
Leave me to cry.
Go.

Stop talking,
Stop telling me what to do,
Stop whispering your words,
Stop screaming in my ear.
Fuck you.

Scream Fuck!
Scream I don't love you,
Scream Your worthless piece of shit,
Scream To me.
Loud.

Cry And blame it on me,
Cry your eyes out in frustration,
Cry and wait for me to comfort you,
Cry because I'm worthless,
Cry because I am here and I put stress on you.
I Smile.

I love you more then anyone,
I love you because of who you are,
I love you your worth it,
I love you,
Because I hate you.

Now dear reader,
Do you now understand?
Please tell me what you think,
Please tell me the truth,
I'll be waiting,
I'll read what you have to say,
Just write it down,
And everything will be alright,
So relax,
Let me say one last thing...

FUCK YOU,
YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!!!

You know what life?
YOUR A FUCKIN BITCH!!

Never say goodbye,Say see u later

staying up tonight
this time without you
my thoughts are getting the best of me
ironically
my thoughts are of you
why? only i could know
yet at that moment i couldn't even breathe
words escape me
only memories remain

hands in my pockets
nothing but holes in the bottoms
that's what being with you meant to me
days gone missing, unnoticed to the mind
but i'm not caring
they were worth it
every single one of them

when i was with you
god, how different it was
things i saw were unnatural to the mind
like observing the world through
kaleidescope eyes
odd, but simply amazing
things i felt, only we could experience
and that was cool in it's own little way

but now, you're out of touch
and im out of time
i don't want you to be out of touch
time just can't change though
so, i'm happy with the times we've spent
good or bad, because i spent that time well
i hope you did too...

you will be missed, yet, never gone to me
sure, things will be unlike what they used to be
it's just how things have to flow
with you, or with out you
im still yours and
your still mine..

so, so long
but i'm sure not for too long

HE

He turned up at work
Just like every other day
And like everyday he felt the same

No one knowing the things he faces
No one knowing the dreams now faded

Everything fine
he says with a smile
When all he really wants to do is die

If you only knew the thoughts in his head
Or the tears that soak the tissues red

Attention is not what he seeks
One lonely heart
he has to keep

Shut everyone out
And look in from outside
he lets out the silence
With one big cry

No one hears
No one sees
No one cares
Someone leaves

Hard on the outside
But a mess within
One thing to comfort
Break t to the skin

A few drops turns into a stream
Into a flood
Then into a dream

It doesn’t hurt now
It doesn’t feel
Wait this isn’t a dream
This is real

Silent Whispers

A silent whisper fills the dark room.
Another night without my sanity.
Interrupted kisses in the middle of crowds.
The strangest echo of something in my head.
A horrible feeling of deja-vu.
I have already been here before,
and seen these things of which I speak of.
As I feel my grip on reality slip,
I see the wrongs I've done in my life,
and I laugh out loud.
The sound scares me and I quickly stop.
I lay here shaking, thinking this is it.
I have finally gone over the edge,
and now I'm falling, fast, to the ground.
My eyes are clouding from the sweat and tears.
I wonder if I could right my wrongs,
before I reach my end.
If I have the strength to face my fears.
I scream out all my pain,
and the sound brings me to myself.
It seemed so real, but it was only a dream.
Somewhere behind closed curtains,
I find that the silent whispers belong to me.

Cigarettes

When I was smaller, I was wiser,
I didn't drink or smoke,
Just sat around on my arse all day,
Laughing at silly jokes,

I always laughed and smiled,
People thought I was the best,
But now all I do is,
Smoke fucking cigarettes,

I lost all my reasons,
A long, long time ago,
For staying in this stupid world,
Out of which I cannot grow,

I think I'll wait for cancer,
Don't want it, but can't forget,
That I've no escape from dying unmarried,
Smoking fucking cigarettes,

Fuck them all

in open

fuck you
fuck me
fuck us
fuck everything

fuck him
fuck her
fuck them
fuck the lover

fuck my empty heart
fuck the lies that tore me apart
fuck these four walls
and fuck your churches stand so tall

fuck my persistent beat
fuck the life i choose to lead
fuck the highest of the highs
and fuck the color of your eyes

fuck the empty momentos
fuck the songs with upbeat tempos
fuck songs written in majors
and fuck hearts open to the fevers

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

fuck her for fucking you
fuck you for fucking her
fuck her for fucking me
fuck off for fucking everything

fuck the handwritten notes
fuck my thoughts on hopes
fuck my hearts broken keys
fuck me fuck you fuck everything




In darkness






fuck your little smile
and your teasing little eyes
fuck your tender touches
and fuck your little lies
fuck everything about you
everything that drew me in
the reason why im drowning
the reason i cant swim
you said you\'d fucking be there
but you werent when i needed you most
fuck your petty excuses
to me youre just a ghost
a spirit that wont leave me
or give me fucking peace
all i want is your arms around me
and for that im losing sleep
you just keep denying me
of the love i know is mine
im desperate cuz i need you
where do i draw the line?
i love you but i hate you
and for that i say fuck this
refusing me everything ive given
ignoring my only wish...

Good or Evil

Burned at the stake
for various sins committed
Condemned to death
as many before you
The wicked perished into
the Burning Gates of Hell
The Rise of the Underworld
Rise up from the spumes
of Burning Ash
Tortured souls crying
out for HELP!
Screams of Terror
fill the Red sky
Demons terrizing the streets
The Eyes of The dead
filled with hatred for
those who dare condemn them

The Rise and Fall of
all thats Pure
is upon them
The cup of Blood Split
on the table
The two Worlds Collide
A war between them Begins
Theres a thin line between
Good and Evil
The line is Drawn as
the Clock hits Dawn
Both fighting for the
same thing Freedom
Freedom to walk the Earth
for all Eternity.

Questions,Questions and Questions!!

Starting Time: 9:03 am


Name: Rajeev

Sisters: Hansika

Brothers: --Sunny ((everyone has a disaster in thier family...ok just kidding!!!!)

what are u wearin? Metallica tee n shorts
Favorite Number: 6

Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Rum

Non-Alcoholic Drink: Pina-colada

Favorite Month: June

Favorite Breakfast: Paranthas


***********Have You Ever*****************


Love someone so much THEY made you cry? yes (Pretty often)

Broken a bone: Yup..a lot of time.

Been in a police car: Nope.

Been on a boat? Yes.

Came close to dying: Once or twice

Been in a hot tub: No.

Swam in the ocean:No

Fallen asleep in school:Never..dont u dare to ask abt IITianGiri :P

Broken someone's heart: Yes.

Cried when someone died: Yes.

Fell off your chair:Yup a few times

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes( can u believe three days n three night without sleeping)


Been cheated on: NO


***********What is-****************


Your room like?I don't have my own room i just sleep anywhere and dump clothes where i feel like

Whats right beside you? Classic mild`s pack

What is the last thing you ate? uttapam!


--------------------------Ever Had- -------------------------------


Chicken pox: Yes.

Sore throat: Yup

Stitches:Yup

Broken nose: No


-------------------Do You------------------------------------


Like picnics?no not really

Like School? I miss school.


------------------------Questions----------------------------------------


Who was the last person you danced with?Myself

Who makes you smile? Eric Cartman :P


--------------------------Who---------------------------------------------


Did you last yell at: I never yell :D
Do you like filling these out? They're time killers.


-------------------Final Questions---------------------------


What are you listening to right now? tomorrow turned into yesterday --Nevermore

Hated someone in your family? Most of them :-)

What car do you wish to have: safari

Good singer: scope maxx

Diamond or pearl: neither of both

Indoors or outdoors: Both.


----------------------------Today did you------------------------------


1. Talk to someone you like? yes

3. Get sick? No

4. Sing: Yes. hallowed be thy name :D

5. Talked to an ex:Do i have 1 ? :D :P

6. Miss someone: Yes.


--------------------------Last person who---------------------------


7. Was in your bed (besides you):Alone

8. You talked to on the phone? Devashish

9. Made you cry? Guddu (GWD)
10. Went to the movies with? i watch almost of all them on computer itself (IIT rocks) :P

11. Went to the mall with you? Tejas

12. Went to Europe: Never :o(

13. Went to Asia: Never.

14. Went to Russia: Never.

15. Went to the Bahamas: Never.

18. Went to Mexico: Never.

19. Went to Canada: Never.

20. Went to Africa: Never.


----------------Random-----------------------


21. Do you like someone at the moment: at a moment scope hota hai.

22. What books are you reading right now: David A. Wise --the Google Story

23. Best feeling in the world: Uh oh!!.

24. Future kids names: Abhilash(Guddu)

25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No

26. What's under your bed? the book named INCEST :D

30.Favorite location? I m sitting now.

33. Do you have a job? No

35. Ever liked someone you thought you didn't have a chance with? Yes.

37. Are you lonely right now:Yeah


Time Finished: 9:19 am

THe Real You

To discover a person,within you or without,takes the heart of oceans,to bear all the shocks,startles and doubts..Take courage,not to be ashamed of your goodness,needs experience,to uncover the way your thoughts dress..its hard trying to interrupt your suppressed desires,it hurts to acknowledge that you are one of them...liars.Its like someone is strangling u when you are making the decision,to let your walls down or not.it pains worse then the incision reasons fade and masks dilate,when the transparent u unaware,unwarned,innocent?ready for the crime to let all fears submerge..

Life seems meaningful when u crush every moment for delight,u become a better human when u unload the baggage and bite those frights,no longer scared of that person gawking at you curiously,suspiciously as if u r a stranger

Complexities wont mingle up to give you a simple,straight definition,you have picked up the pieces scattered and battered and perform integration.Not fun to poke through the wounded you demanding explanations,to steer through the layers shelling your true identification.There is no final conclusion,no net result,no end to this.You are left hanging with a glimpse,which just touches and vanishes deeper and deeper..You push yourself the more u try to gather yourself the more u lose yourself..

Admit it,the real you doesn't even exist,You are what u choose to be just a circumstantial myth.You live perfecting this art of weaving yourself around fate,HE never qualified you to the next level,you have alwez been the bait!!

NEVERMORE!

Midnights so dreary, tired and weary.
Silently pondering volumes extolling all by-now obsolete lore.
During my rather long nap - the weirdest tap!
An ominous vibrating sound disturbing my chamber's antedoor.
"This", I whispered quietly, "I ignore".

Perfectly, the intellect remembers: the ghostly fires, a glittering ember.
Inflamed by lightning's outbursts, windows cast penumbras upon this floor.
Sorrowful, as one mistreated, unhappy thoughts I heeded:
That inimitable lesson in elegance - Lenore -
Is delighting, exciting...nevermore.

Ominously, curtains parted (my serenity outsmarted),
And fear overcame my being - the fear of "forevermore".
Fearful foreboding abided, selfish sentiment confided,
As I said, "Methinks mysterious traveler knocks afore.
A man is visiting, of age threescore."

Taking little time, briskly addressing something: "Sir," (robustly)
"Tell what source originates clamorous noise afore?
Disturbing sleep unkindly, is it you a-tapping, so slyly?
Why, devil incarnate!--" Here completely unveiled I my antedoor--
Just darkness, I ascertained - nothing more.

While surrounded by darkness then, I persevered to clearly comprehend.
I perceived the weirdest dream...of everlasting "nevermores".
Quite, quite, quick nocturnal doubts fled - such relief! - as my intellect said,
(Desiring, imagining still) that perchance the apparition was uttering a whispered "Lenore".
This only, as evermore.

Silently, I reinforced, remaining anxious, quite scared, afraid,
While intrusive tap did then come thrice - O, so stronger than sounded afore.
"Surely" (said silently) "it was the banging, clanging window lattice."
Glancing out, I quaked, upset by horrors hereinbefore,
Perceiving: a "nevermore".

Completely disturbed, I said, "Utter, please, what prevails ahead.
Repose, relief, cessation, or but more dreary 'nevermores'?"
The bird intruded thence - O, irritation ever since! -
Then sat on Pallas' pallid bust, watching me (I sat not, therefore),
And stated "nevermores".

Bemused by raven's dissonance, my soul exclaimed, "I seek intelligence;
Explain thy purpose, or soon cease intoning forlorn 'nevermores'!"
"Nevermores", winged corvus proclaimed - thusly was a raven named?
Actually maintain a surname, upon Pluvious seashore?
I heard an oppressive "nevermore".

My sentiments extremely pained, to perceive an utterance so plain,
Most interested, mystified, a meaning I hoped for.
"Surely," said the raven's watcher, "separate discourse is wiser.
Therefore, liberation I'll obtain, retreating heretofore -
Eliminating all the 'nevermores' ".

Still, the detestable raven just remained, unmoving, on sculptured bust.
Always saying "never" (by a red chamber's door).
A poor, tender heartache maven - a sorrowful bird - a raven!
O, I wished thoroughly, forthwith, that he'd fly heretofore.
Still sitting, he recited "nevermores".

The raven's dirge induced alarm - "nevermore" quite wearisome.
I meditated: "Might its utterances summarize of a calamity before?"
O, a sadness was manifest - a sorrowful cry of unrest;
"O," I thought sincerely, "it's a melancholy great - furthermore,
Removing doubt, this explains 'nevermores' ".

Seizing just that moment to sit - closely, carefully, advancing beside it,
Sinking down, intrigued, where velvet cushion lay afore.
A creature, midnight-black, watched there - it studied my soul, unawares.
Wherefore, explanations my insight entreated for.
Silently, I pondered the "nevermores".

"Disentangle, nefarious bird! Disengage - I am disturbed!"
Intently its eye burned, raising the cry within my core.
"That delectable Lenore - whose velvet pillow this was, heretofore,
Departed thence, unsettling my consciousness therefore.
She's returning - that maiden - aye, nevermore."

Since, to me, that thought was madness, I renounced continuing sadness.
Continuing on, I soundly, adamantly forswore:
"Wretch," (addressing blackbird only) "fly swiftly - emancipate me!"
"Respite, respite, detestable raven - and discharge me, I implore!"
A ghostly answer of: "nevermore".

" 'Tis a prophet? Wraith? Strange devil? Or the ultimate evil?"
"Answer, tempter-sent creature!", I inquired, like before.
"Forlorn, though firmly undaunted, with 'nevermores' quite indoctrinated,
Is everything depressing, generating great sorrow evermore?
I am subdued!", I then swore.

In answer, the raven turned - relentless distress it spurned.
"Comfort, surcease, quiet, silence!" - pleaded I for.
"Will my (abusive raven!) sorrows persist unabated?
Nevermore Lenore respondeth?", adamantly I encored.
The appeal was ignored.

"O, satanic inferno's denizen -- go!", I said boldly, standing then.
"Take henceforth loathsome "nevermores" - O, to an ugly Plutonian shore!
Let nary one expression, O bird, remain still here, replacing mirth.
Promptly leave and retreat!", I resolutely swore.
Blackbird's riposte: "nevermore".

So he sitteth, observing always, perching ominously on these doorways.
Squatting on the stony bust so untroubled, O therefore.
Suffering stark raven's conversings, so I am condemned, subserving,
To a nightmare cursed, containing miseries galore.
Thus henceforth, I'll rise (from a darkness, a grave) -- nevermore!

-- E. Poe



Yeah nevermore!
Poe is GOD!

Fuckity Fuck

F**k, F**k, F**k.

How did you read the first three words of this post? Of course, you read ‘Fuck, Fuck, Fuck’. So what is the point of putting in the gobblies ‘**’ in order to somehow disguise the word and its meaning?

F-U-C-K as four separate letters has no meaning other than they are just four letters of the alphabet. But when put together they can have any number of meanings. For instance, “Fuck off�? expressed with appropriate nuance leaves you in no doubt as to what is meant. “Fuck me�? can express great surprise (like you’ve just won a million on the Lotto) or even indicate an invitation to become ‘extremely’ intimate.

So, you have an editor sitting at their keyboard doing what editors do, deciding what is the best word, phrase or sentence to convey a particular meaning or message. When considering the ‘F’ word they have three choices - use ‘fuck’, ‘f**k’ or leave it out altogether. The principal concern, I imagine, is how the reader will react.

Let’s say, for example, that it’s an Irish Times writer, very respectable paper, very establishment, but with a whiff of rebellion about it, a bit of “we can be dangerously liberal if pushed�? attitude. The writer decides to use ‘fuck’ for impact, but to reduce that impact (in case any retired archbishops are reading) by substituting the letters ‘uc’ with the gobblies ‘**’.

This choice and mindset is, of course, bullshit. Everybody, including the retired archbishop instinctively and without even considering the meaning immediately sees ‘fuck’. So why bother trying to utilize the impact of the word ‘fuck’ and at the same time try to conceal the word - it’s hypocritical. Either use the word in its full glory ‘fuck’ or use another word like ‘feck’, ‘bejasus’, or ‘by golly’.

Just this week I read the word ‘c**t’ in a newspaper article. I wonder what that word could be? Perhaps ‘cant’, ‘cart’, or maybe ‘cast’? No my friends, the word intended was ‘cunt’. So why couldn’t the paper just say so or use what it might consider to be a more acceptable word (unless they are quoting)? Obviously, the paper wanted to use the word for its impact but did not want to accept responsibility for its generally accepted meaning, so the word is disguised and in so doing attempts to transfer the use and real meaning of the word to the reader. The reader then becomes responsible for any negative interpretations of the gobblied word. “Hey, we just published some gobblies bracketed by two letters, if you automatically interpret them as ‘fuck’, ‘cunt’, ‘shit’, well… you know… it’s not our fault.”

What do you think reader? Am I right? Is it really just a case of editorial cowardice or am I just plain wrong? If you think I am then ‘fuck’ you. ;-)

I

Rise from my bed, I today as ever;
Warm are the tender rays of the dawn,
Cool is the touch of the earth,
Carpeted by grass, green and fresh with dew;
Caressing are the zephyrs flowing from the west;
Chirping the birds fly across the sky,
How beautiful it is a day, again.
Try as I many to drink in the freshness of the bright day
Fail these to dispel the mist of dismay, overwhelming the spirit.
Oh! Hatrd it is to believe, it’s me out here,
Numb is the mind, spirit of the heart, broken.
Glaring at an abyss I am, standing at the brink.
So wide is the chasm to get across, that hope has packed out in haste,
Of no avail seem to me any of the faculties that I can summon,
Perilously as I try to take a foot forward,
Chill runs down the spine. Quivering are all my limbs
And mind in quandary. Rise out of these smoldering ashes,
The determination and the faith, to conquer the impossible

The LIFE

jeevan sapno ka ek ghat..
jisaki tali me peeda ka ek chhidra..
boond boond kar tapak jati hai
sabhi aashayein
sabhi kalpanayein
khali ghat hansta hai
aur kehta hai
main yahi hoon tumhare liye
bas yahee!!!

11 rules of CoS Church of Satan

1.
Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

2.
Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

3.
When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

4.
If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

5.
Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

6.
Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

7.
Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

8.
Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

9.
Do not harm little children.

10.
Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

11.
When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him

EVERY STEP!!

My walk

I was never going to put this one up. I still dont know why i have put it up.

This is about how i felt for about 5 minutes of my life. The moment i finished writing this, it was all over and i was fine.

Sometimes, the mind gets overthrown by things you wouldn't normally think of, most of which are the most horrible thoughts one could ever have...I'm not saying that it is exactly what happened for the 5 mins it took me to write this, but it's something like it.

Hope you like this one. I called it my walk for no apparent reason. It's not really the title. I just felt very unproductive at the time of given it a title.

So no title. Just writing...

-------------------

With every step I take

One more person I leave behind

With every person, a solid memory

And every memory, a newfound sorrow

A hood pulled over my head,

A piece of bread

In my pocket,

And eyes watching me

I slowly leave all I know and all I feel.

Old scars reappear, old wounds take form

Cutting through mind and body

Cutting to show

How much I had and left.

Every bite of bread makes me hungrier,

A sip of water drains my veins.

Hands tug at me

Hoping, praying, that I will stop

And turn around

And return home.

What home? I ask,

Their only answer is a cry, a wail.

I wonder who else will walk

Through this sorrowful place

Walk to seek loneliness

Walk to find an empty place

Now covered in tears

I had once shed

The cuts burn, the wounds bleed,

And every step makes me weaker.

More pain and more sorrow

Is all that there was in the past,

I will find a glorious place to live

By myself

So no one can hurt me

No one can make me cry anymore

And no one will know

Who I am

What I do

Whether I am crazy or sane

It won’t matter

I’ll be long gone before anyone knows

Or anyone finds out.

I still wonder who else would walk

Through this sorrowful place

Walk to seek loneliness

Walk to find emotionless space

Far in the distance

I see the darkness

And with every step I take

I can feel it inching closer.

I look back for the last time

At the eyes, the faces

I can still hear their cries

Their wails

Their prayers

Filled with human futility

I look at my hands,

My scarred hands,

My wounded body and wounded soul

I raise my fingers, touching my wet face

I can feel the cuts around my eyes

Burning my skin

More cuts cover my forehead

But no one else can see anything

All blind to what they put me through

Doesn’t matter, not anymore

Soon I’ll be on my own

I’ll be allowed to heal

Sanctity

Security

For my self, my soul

I can make emotions null and void

I won’t need them

No one else

Will accompany me through this

No one else

Will bear pain for me

No one else

Will want to come to this world, my world

I wonder who else will walk

Through this sorrowful place

Walk to seek loneliness

Walk to seek emotionless space

A world without a soul

A soul, except one

A world without pain

Without the warmth of the sun

Soon I’ll finally have

My own solitary space

No more pain, no more love,

And no more hate to face.

Mourn me if you wish

You will never see me again

Burn my memory if it pleases

Because you burned me down, my friend.!!!

Fade To black

Look, the blade glistens wet with blood
Crimson; vermillion; stains of scarlet
Can you hear the strangled screams
Fade to black.
Friendship's broken shards break through my skin
Let the life flow freely from my veins
Paling, dying, fading.
Shatter.!!!!

I want to live

i will hide my bruises,cover my wounds
and fix a happy face over the crushed skin
Be numb out of pain
Act dumb but in vain
When everything is stolen
How do u survive....?
When u hate urself
how do u carry on ur life
Feels like someone is pulling out my hair
Feels like i am hanging down a hook
Thats tearing my neck apart
When everything is broken
What`s she smiling for..?
When ur heart is bleeding would uknock on her door..?
With every passing day its getting more hunting
When evrythng is sin wats ur frotier..?
When there`s poisonto ur veins
Why life seems sotough??
In this hell`with t he pain
But i wanna live
With all the angst god all my wounds
but i wanna live
With this shrinking soul and melting years
With death just two steps near
I wanna live

dementia

Hatred.
I see it in your eyes,
Gradience of vermillion and black.
I scream; silence hold me now.
Illusions surround me,
I forsake my sanity.

Disturbance.
Pen dances on paper,
Splatter my writing with blood.
I hide; shadows embrace me now.
Voices taunt me,
Blind; I cannot see.

Eyes.
Draw a line across my face,
Slit my wrists with the page.
She laughs; disquietude consumes me now.
Others join her,
I conceal my anger.!!!

Rockers :D

Riders of the storm ,said morrison!Heroin killed him!

Rape me ,said kurt,his wife killed him!

Hendrix fucked too much and ate too little,,drugs got him!monika wuz the last german he fucked!

John Bonham was strong but he drank too much,"choked! DIED"

Lenon was a good man! too witty ,but got shot!was to happen!!

Kennedy was my favourite ,always fukked around but was perfect in the eyes!!

how many times did OZZY die??




Okey again i read it somewhr n really liked teh way it was written!:P

some of hindi shayri!

My own

Jab bhi rahta hoon tanha to lagta hai
yaado se aapki hamaree yaari hai
Dharati banke bahut ham tarase hai
Sawan ban barso tumhari baari hai!!


Ab tak shikayat naa huyee zindagi se hame
shayd yahee shikayat ho jindagi ko hamse!!


Bujha bujha ke jalaya ahi jindagi ne mujhe
Hansa hansa ke rulaya hai jindagi ne mujhe
uljha huva hoon main waqt ki sazisho me
Dushmano ki dosti aur dosto ki ranjisho me!!

Ujalo me dhundhke mujhe andhero me na bhatako
Andhero me ujala dhundh liya hai maine!!


and in last ths one

socha tha tukda tukda utha ke bana lunga jindagi
par pata nahi tha qayamat bhi roj roj aatee hai:-)!!

All apologies

And for one last time
I will apologize
For saying the things I have said
Indirectly to you
Through the poems that I have
Written and thoughts in my head
I have always thought you
Capable of more then it is
Possible for one to be
And my anger has often times
Taken control of me
And so I have written
Over and over again
The same poem
About why I was angry
And whom I thought you were
And until the death of my own thoughts
I’m prone to overreact
To silly situations
Or a busy night
Or a silly lie
And I forgive you
For everything you’ve never done
That I have thought
You have
And so for one last time
I apologize
For my mistakes
Though you have never known
They took place!!!!



this was inspired by the song all apologies by nirvana and ..this was written to apologize to someone

Friend

Somewhere along the way,
i guess i moved on.
I left behind the scars,
and wound began to heal.
and i rediscovered in me,
the capacity to once again feel.
Somewhere in the distance,
somewhere far behind,
I threw all of my sadness,
and found my peace of mind,
I traveled the long roads of despair
and very slowly slowly,
My heart began to repair
All the anger all the hurt
Have now far away been cast
i know this new Found happiness
May or may not last
But I am stronger now
I am more able to deal
with what future hold
Now that i hve dealt with you
Even though it has been a while
I pretty often Smile
and i kno in all the coming days
Some small part of me
Will hold on to u always

The tears Again!!!

So often they appear
Rolling down my face
I can't seem to hide them anymore
The slightest feeling
And they start to appear
From my left eye
The water trickles down my cheek
It shows my sorrow
And the emptiness behind my eyes
One day I hope the tears
Will be of joy and happiness
Instead of sorrow and pain.

tears!

Sometimes when I laugh
I tend to cry at the same time
These are tears of joy and happiness
Sometimes I laugh
To stop myself from crying
Sometimes I can't hide
What my tears are really saying
If I cry
I can not laugh
If I laugh
I can still cry

Alone

Alone is a 5 letter word
How can such a small word
Bring so much pain?
You drown your sorrows
In the bottom of a bottle
The pain will go away
But the emptiness grows larger

Are you really ever alone
Or are you just lonely?
Does time actually heal itself
Or is it something you must do?
Does beauty come with age?
No beauty is always with you
You just have to find it

People all stop and stare
For they like what they see
They see through your pain
Your emptiness, your loneliness
Take a look around you
There is always someone there
You should never feel alone.

The ostracized....Bihari way!!

Busy living life the Ostracized way.
The Ostracized...
one who has been shunted by the society,
one who nobody cares about,
one who nobody loves,
one who nobody wants to talk to,
one who is all alone in this huge world,
one who everyone crushes down,
one who everyone ridicules,
one who everyone insults,
and the one who loves living the shunted life,
the one who doesn't need anyone to take care of him,
the one who doesn't seek anyone's love,
the one who doesn't need someone else's shoulders to rest upon,
the one who is impossible to crush,
the one who sheds off everyone's ridicules,
the one who is not insulted upon insulting,
the one....The Ostracized.
the gifted one,
the chosen one.




last post was written by me itself n this post is fully copied from Bihari`s blog!!:P

The Ostracized

They ostracized me. I ran.
They ridiculed me. I cried.
They forgot about me. I fought.
They pushed me away. I died.
I spend most of my days reflecting
onn them.
I spend most of my days searching inside.
I retreat to that place. Where it's unharmed and pure.
I retreat to the inside. Where only I can be sure.