Please Don't

So tell me, how is your life now? Do you still think that happiness is impossible to find? Do you still hate yourself? I remember what you used to say:" I have no right to be happy". Everyword you said, every move you made was the result of this inner punishment. Have you stopped...Tell me you have.
Are you alone? In bad company? Lonely? In love? This word used to make you smile. And your heart used to beat painfully, your eyes were like, visiting another universe, and some old love stories were coming back in your memory. You know, the same blond haired, smart and innocent young girl who falls in love with a dark cynical and seductive man and transforms him into a sort of sheep bleating:"I loooove youuuuu and little angels are flying around us, blessing us while we kiss eachother in an eternal blissfullness!" ...
How pathetic...
You used to keep reading those stories because of the beauty of the feelings. Beauty. Another concept you were obssessed by. Do you still search it? Of course! How could you abandon such a quest? Do you remember this poem?

"Where is the Beauty?
In this cold matinée?
In this couple's tender embrace?
In this window opening
On children's giggles?
Beauty is in your eyes
They join together all my universe"

I remember how much you loved to write...Loved or love? Have you changed? Maybe...
I have aglways felt close and far from you.
Before you o far from me and fade away, I wanted to tell you those words. But there were too many words. And you...You wanted to go far far away from me. I was not capabale to retain you. You looked at me one last time. Did you smile? Maybe...I do not remember. I do not want to remember...It was sad. Too sad. The words wanted to go out. I felt them. So many words. I did not want to see you go.
But you were already downstairs, staring at me. And I did not move. I was scared too. Somewhat scared of you, but also scared of the "after-you". I have always lacked confidence. That's why I kept silence and did not stop you.
For you I'll stay an image in the stairs, a blurred memory. The only one in your mind. This one where I am leaning toward you and, implorant, I beg you:
"Please...Don't go".





YESH YESH I M LUNATIC DOG.